When the Doctor says: You can’t have more kids.

Nowadays, when you’re on your 20’s it’s the new teenagers, the 30’s is the new 20’s, your 40’s the new 30’s, and so on. It actually is.

People are leaving their parents home later than 20 years ago, because of the financial situation or wanting to have company because they chose to be single, or they have such a busy career that they prefer that way. It’s an option.

Such as having children. Some people want children very soon, others, like me, decided that their career had to be good, so they could give a good life for their kids. There was a point that I actually thought of not having kids, even though my partner wanted them. I was a late mum. I regret nothing. I am more mature, I know what I wanted and what to do. Being independent is so good!

I also wanted 3 kids. Both my parent’s families are huge, a bunch of uncles and aunts, each of them with normally 2 to 3 kids, always a full house and a full table. And I always wanted that. I didn’t know when, But I wanted that. A full table filled with my kids, a full house on Christmas.

I didn’t know when I would have them or, actually, I didn’t know HOW much I wanted it, until a year ago.

And Now I am ready to talk about it.

As many of you know, My pregnancy and labour were very difficult: 7 months and a half throwing up and then 3 days of labour (that I should have sued the doctor and hospital…but…), then a week in the hospital telling me that my son was probably with septicemia, I almost died of blood loss… It was too much. I got scared, damn, I am scared to go through it all again! but I would go through everything again just for him, my little (big) RJ.

3 Years passed, and that need of having another baby started to rise on my mind.

BUT I started to have pain on my ovaries, and as the pain started to rise, I decided to go to the doctor in which he asked me to make some exams, blood and then scans.

It was then when he told me I had polyps and cysts on my ovaries. More exams and more tests and the result came back: Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.

The pain was starting to annoy me, and something had to be done. I asked the Women’s Hospital doctor that if I could have babies.

He told me: “No. You can’t have more kids.”

And I stopped talking.

I picked myself and went to the car to drive home. But before I turn the car key, I cried. A Lot.

On my 30’s being told you cannot have kids anymore without the lack of sympathy and blunt as that doctor said, is one hell of a thing to go through.

I spent at least a week without getting out of bed, unless it was to drive Rj to the nursery or to make the meals or even to take care of him. He and my husband were my main reason to get up and do something. But I just wanted the time to stop and rewind. I think I never reached so low in a depression.

2 Months after:

2 months went by and I was depressed. Very depressed. Making everyone miserable here at home as I didn’t wanted to go out of my house, I didn’t laugh or smile. I decided to pick all of RJ’s clothing, that I had for a 2nd child, and give them to charity. I had loads of bags filled and moving out to a new home, means giving away was it won’t be used.

Yes, I had absolutely not a speck of hope that I would be getting better. Mood swings, hair growing awfully, and my face having acne. I never had acne and my skin was always the best. I was really depressed but I analysed myself and for the sake of my family, and for me, I had to rip the bandage and do something.

And I did. I picked up all the bags, keep some of them so RJ could have some things from he was a baby, when he has his own kids, and donated and give to friends some of the other clothing…

I will have that memory forget on fire in my mind. Forever.

That day, while I was “ripping the bandage hard”; while RJ was playing in the house and I was in the bedroom sorting those clothing and remembering, reliving the memories of those clothing… It is just unbearable. Like something was dying. I cried so loud that RJ came over to cuddle me. He is a very good boy. But the pain was a way of letting it go.

It eventually goes. I picked myself up and continue, in my mind thinking that those clothing would be better in a new home, making someone happy and comfortable.

My mind was reset to having just one child. One happy child, best cuddles in the world and a great dancer (just like mum *wink*).

4 Months later:

The treatment came… which was absolutely nothing. The doctor told me I had to put a Mirena coil (IUD) after making the Laparoscopy: which is a surgery to use laser and cut what was on the ovary. The doctor didn’t say anything more, and thankfully I am a person that researches because, to be honest, I don’t trust these doctors very much. Zero, nada, niente, nill, zich! My past experiences told me that if you don’t trust, then you are absolutely right. It’s your body, own it!

As I have resources and knowledge, I decided to make a full detox (Attention: this was me. I have the knowledge to it as I studied as part of my career, so don’t take this as a full option.) of my blood and body. Making a detox with herbs, properly. Not those supposed slimming teas (which I am super against them!), a proper brew, measured and calculated.

3 months went by and came the time for the laparoscopy. Husband took some days of to take care of me and RJ, as I was supposed to be in bed for some days.

Before the laparoscopy, I made a quick scan with the doctor, in which the doctor took a lot of time and told me: “Are you sure you’re with Polycystic Ovary syndrome?”

“Of course, at least it’s what the other said isn’t it? I am not here to see the circus am I?” I said confused but amused…as I literally hate Circus… A bit of sarcasm in these moments can be relieving!

Well… All cysts and polyps were gone. I didn’t do the Laparoscopy at all.

She just inserted the Mirena Coil (which I will write about that experience as well)… In fact, I should have a full series called: Alejandra’s Unlucky Bits! … because my life my dears could be more peaceful!