As you grow, your ideas, objectives, relationships, and how you deal with emotions change.
Some grew up with caring parents that taught you a lot, others grew with neglecting parents, others without parents for support, but one thing is certain: the emotional state and mental health are important while growing up, and those experiences/facts are important as adults for supporting and start that cycle again with our kids.
How you deal with life might reflect how you grew up, or you can turn those experiences and create another persona to deal with it.
But what about dealing with compliments from other people?
There are 2 types of People
The ones that give a positive compliment. Pure and nurturing with no second intentions other than share love, warmth, and positivity.
The ones that give a compliment to get into a contract, with second and third intentions, normally bad motives to take you somewhere. The so-called “careless” and without meaning, a cold fake compliment.
This last one we will take out of our conversation, as we don’t like negative and manipulative people.
Let’s focus on positive people.
The Good Compliment
What is a compliment: A compliment is something that a person can say to you, either a family member, a friend, a colleague, a partner, that means to cherish you, to brighten your day, to say that you did OK or great, that you mean something for that person.
A compliment is one of the most positive things that you can say to a person. You don’t need to be a poet to say a compliment. Something a symbol, even an emoji can reflect that.
- A compliment is praise. For example, when raising kids, the best thing you can do to them is praising them. Invert a negative tantrum into a praise on their qualities:
Your son is kicking in because his friend is playing with a toy he wants, and he wants to take the toy for the friend’s hand. Explain that we need to share with friends. Sharing is caring. Explain to him that you also share several other things with him because you love him, and he can love his friend by sharing. His friend will eventually give the toy back because he shares it too. When he shares and stops the tantrum, say “well done, you did well”. That is praising. You’ve taught him that sharing is caring while praising/giving a compliment to him.
In adulthood is exactly the same. Sharing is Caring!
- Your friend says she feels overwhelmed with something. You notice by the expressions, (sometimes we know people for their traits right?), the voice tone, and even the way people sit or walk (key point to look – is in the shoulders position). You ask what is the matter. Your friend replies that she can’t do something, a task. First ask where you can help, if you don’t have that power, support the person’s motivation. Tell her, based on what you know, that she can do it, and you can help in the best you can:
You are the best person to do this. I believe in you and can help you. Let me help and see where the error/where you stumped. Everything in life has a solution. There are always 2 to 3 ways of doing things in a positive way. As long as we face the challenge with all the consequences. As soon as you “understand” that consequences, either good or bad, have a meaning, a lesson, life will be easier.
In here you taught something, gave a praise, a compliment, and the pure truth in a positive way.
The Non-Compliment People
There are people that don’t like compliments. This doesn’t mean that these people are bad. What it really means is that their barrier is too high to let any good positive compliment enter. This also means they have things to take care of mentally and emotionally. Maybe a bad experience (s), a bad childhood or growing up, insecurities… or simply don’t know how to reply to a compliment.
Because let’s face it:
Everyone NEEDS a compliment! Our Ego is born with us, and also depends on you how to deal with our ego. But as in everything in life, the Yin and Yang: we need an Ego, to truly understand who we are. What you make with it, how you grow it, a positive or a negative Ego, is entirely up to you.
How to Compliment Someone
Not only depends on what relation you have with the person, but depends also on how well you know her, and can be through many ways:
- A positive talk (like example 1 or 2)
- If you’re not good with words, can be with what is your best way of demonstrating, like sharing a pic with them, a meme to make them laugh,
- Make them laugh!
- A song with a special lyric
- An old photo
- Something you’ve found online that made you remember that person or an experience/secret joke
- A special place
- A book quote reflecting what you think
- Or simply say with no fear of rejection what you honestly think.
And so much more can be given as a positive example.
Remember Sharing is Caring, but also understand one thing:
If people who you share and care won’t share with you back for the thousandth time, is not caring for you either. And not only our Ego suffers and our self-care as well. Because everyone needs a compliment if they don’t share they don’t care… and we should only have around us positive people that love us for who we are and what we are.