There is this idyllic image that love is forever. We might see couples that endure through fire and stone, everything and be happy all their life, but they are starting to be a rarity.
When we find someone, we attach firstly to attraction. A look, a gesture… a word. Something that attaches us to that person, and that person to us. Having the same goals in life, having the same thoughts, talking the same “language”. Unfortunately, as the sentence says: “All things must come to an end”. And relationships end.
Here are some ways to say goodbye in a peaceful way in a relationship.
Drew the Line Peacefully
Was the end a mutual agreement? Either in a yes or no, drew the line. Have an adult conversation with the person. No fights, no stress. If your relationship was based on trust and open dialogue, if none of the parties was giving the amount of attention or simply drifted… then it is time for the open talk. Explaining the feelings and how the other person might hurt your feelings or if you need anything more and the other person doesn’t have time and went apart, here is the time to open yourself.
Psychology explains that drifting or when one of the people in a relationship feels neglected, means that this either can be solved by talking or simply is better to rip the bandage and end things….but peacefully.
Conscious Uncoupling
This is actually the hardest part. Depending on how long you were with this person, you might have built goals, ideas, things together, and dreams. Assuming that this wasn’t a toxic relationship, many couples opt for a safe and conscious uncoupling.
Conscious uncoupling has always existed but was made more evident with the leader of Coldplay, Chris Martin, and his then-wife, Gwyneth Paltrow. With a family in the middle, kids, home, materials and business together, and not talking about money; this couple made it strange at first but then many people decided is actually the best way. Kids should never be an “exchange coin” but yes a reason to be civilized and do things peacefully. You can start by gradually starting a life with anyone on the side, but imagine that you can even spend vacations together. This is a possible and very positive way to deal.
If you have any business with your ex-partner, it is possible to continue and have a relationship with this person as long as you set boundaries, and stipulate the roles. Slowly and conscious uncoupling is less painful, people heal better and will eventually fortify a friendship that was there.
Sometimes a friendship is better than a lousy relationship, right?
Cut the Cord
For many people, this is the best. You might feel hatred, and that feeling is not the positive one that you might need. Cutting the cord or cutting everything by the root, independently of whose “mistake” it was, but will definitely be a future. This way is definitely the hardest if feelings are involved, memories, people or animals in the middle. But is sometimes necessary.
Close accounts, close Netflix, detach from social media and delete messages or emails that were meaningful. Even deleting might feel an abrupt way, we know that, but think what is best for you. Is that message or picture triggering you or putting you anxious? Do you keep watching the time and the same social media profiles? End that and cut the cord. Think about your happiness. For now, you will have to go to that “mourning” phase and later on, with a cold head, you might:
- a) Speak with this person and became friends
- b) not looking back and be happy with a person that actually cares and is there for you.
Breathe, Get Up and Restart
While you might not be thinking about this now, you might be hurt, you need to be alone for a while. Let us tell you: You will be happy! And this is what everyone will tell you, and you know is true. The world continues to spin and there are many fish in the sea.
A lot of love songs will be added and a lot of them will be deleted from your playlist. But in no time you will start smiling again, having that sparkle in your eyes and set the goals back again with a new person. You will go from denial to not letting go, to anger and to detachment. As long as you be in a positive spiral of thoughts, keeping in the light path, you will breathe, get up and restart the game all over again.
One of our favourite sentences is: “Better to Have Loved and Lost than Never to Have Loved at All”. And we agree.
