By Emma Williams
Even if you and your ex-spouse get the best lawyers in Australia and you both agree that a divorce is something that will do you good both, it is not an easy process. Everything from joint accounts, shared property and the most important, children are going to make the process more painful and complicated. Maintaining a positive relationship with your ex during and after the divorce is quite hard but here are 7 tips to help you keep your composure.
Make the children feel safe
It is important to maintain your dignity throughout the process and restrain yourself from lashing out at your ex. This becomes more important if you two have children together because the little ones should not feel like something is wrong.
Once the two of you are officially separated you will tell them that mummy/daddy won’t live with us anymore but until that moment arrives, the children should be held away from all espousal bickering. Making the children feel safe is something that you and your partner will have no problem agreeing on.
You are in the spotlight
During the divorce process, some people get so agitated that they yell at their spouse in the courtroom or in a lawyer’s office. These occurrences are part of a larger domestic violence issue in Australia, where 1 in 4 women older than 15 has experienced emotional abuse from their partner.
In order not to become part of these bleak statistics, you should place yourself in the spotlight. This means that all your energy, and especially the negative one, should be directed at doing something good for you and your children. By adopting such a pattern of behavior that is not self-centered, although it may appear so, you are preserving your mental and emotional health so you can bare the entire judicial process.
Hire a good lawyer
Speaking of the legal side of the story, divorce proceedings are carried out by family lawyers in most countries of the world, including Australia and all its states and territories. Essentially, the more reliable divorce lawyers in Sydney or other bigger cities you manage to find, the less will you personally have to be involved in the whole process.
This will save you a lot of grievances and you get guidance from family lawyers through the trial. Considering the fact that an average divorce in Australia takes 4 months to be granted by the court, you’ll get to keep your nerves during this tumultuous period.
Be prepared for friends taking sides
Depending on how long you two have been married, you are bound to have mutual friends. Some of these you might have known before you got hitched and some of them you’ve met together with your spouse. Well, now that you two are no longer together, it will be hard for people to remain (good) friends with both of you.
Therefore, the circumstances will force your friends to pick sides. You shouldn’t hold a grudge against old friends who have taken the side of your spouse, as they are collateral of the divorce. Instead, try to remain on good terms with them because who knows, they might realize over time that your ex-spouse might not be such a good person after all.
Leave the past in the past
One of the biggest hindrances to any divorce procedure is one of the spouses changing their mind in the middle of the process. They get overwhelmed by past memories and try to persuade their soon-to-be ex-spouse to reconsider the whole matter but by this point, it is too late to go back.
Letting memories of the good old tomes take control of you is bad because you are just prolonging the pain and suffering a divorce already comes with. You really ought to be focusing on the present and what your lawyer is saying to you, as well as look into the future.
“Forgive, and you will be forgiven”
The Good Book stresses the importance of forgiveness and for a good reason. Namely, if you have been holding a grudge against your spouse, it might explode during the divorce, ruining the whole legal procedure. Shouting and foul language in court will only make the judge rule against you and you might end up losing the custody of your children and property.
The right course of action to take before you file for divorce is to forgive your spouse. Even if you have the full right to be angry, you shouldn’t let this grudge become a burden on your back. Once you have forgiven them all their misdemeanours, you are truly ready to move on, turning the divorce procedure into a formality.
What does the future hold?
We’ve already pointed out that holding to the past isn’t a good strategy. Instead, you should focus on the present and the future as well. In fact, a brighter future is the main reason behind getting a divorce for both partners.
After the period of grievance and self-reflection (try to keep the latter brief) passes, you should start socializing once more in order to find another partner and prospective husband/wife. Of course, don’t rush anything and let time heal the wounds but don’t allow yourself to become amorously torpid.
We hope that by now you have a better understanding of how to deal with the divorce emotionally. Hiring good family lawyers will get the legal stuff off your back so you can focus on your children and your mental health.
The divorce will prove to be one of the hardest periods of your life but it also the seed of rediscovered happiness.